Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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