Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
