No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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