It's like a parade of train wrecks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
