I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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