Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
