can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.