after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
