At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
