you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
