you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize