Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
