3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
