When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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