we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
