you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
