Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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