Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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