You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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