I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
