My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
