there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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