Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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