Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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