I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
