3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
