I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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