i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
