....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
