just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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