I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
