Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
