Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
