Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
