he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
high people should be assigned attendants
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
