My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
