Dual....:-)
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
