he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
