He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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