Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
