after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
