I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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