so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
