I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
