My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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