Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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