It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
