i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
