I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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