you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
