I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
