He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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