i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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