I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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