just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
