I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
