Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They took my balls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
