His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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