Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize