Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
