I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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