i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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