a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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