R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
