My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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