If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
