I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
