I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You pole danced in your parka.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
