I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As shirtless as possible
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The air taste purple.
Randomize
