you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
