i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
