It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
