They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
