I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
