She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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